I am going to reiterate: NOT all of my posts here are related to my personal experiences. Some are just stories that are inspired by reality. It is up to you, dear reader, to find the clues on what seems to be a surreal story, and on what posts are...well, too personal.
Thank you. :) I am going to blog a new post soon.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Stella cadente.
Tu sei la mia stella.
Vorrei amarti ma non posso.
Nel mio cuore non si può mai essere
Ma i miei pensieri sono sempre con te
--
Correct my Italian if you will. :) Thanks in advance.
Vorrei amarti ma non posso.
Nel mio cuore non si può mai essere
Ma i miei pensieri sono sempre con te
--
Correct my Italian if you will. :) Thanks in advance.
Friday, January 27, 2012
I seek your face during Tuesdays and Thursdays
You attract me.
You don't notice, but my eyes always seek your face whenever we have our dance classes. I would caress my "good luck" bracelet and wish that somehow, we will interact for the day. So far, I never got my wish. You are always late, and I the early bird. I, who look forward to every session, has been partnered to the others just because you always come late. But it's okay. Really. Just watching you dance makes me feel those tiny shivers that I hate to love to feel. I'm fine with observing. With watching. With glancing.
When did this unhealthy seeking start?
Blame the first practical test. You were so good at leading the girl you were partnered with for Swing that I suddenly wished for you to be my partner for the next dance. The fates must be listening to me then because, indeed, you became my Cha-cha practice dance partner. You don't know how elated I was. Or still am. The dance...oh the dance. Your steps were so aggressive yet soft, passionate but gentle, confident but unassuming. I would bow my head down, fearing that I will never be up to your par. I was afraid that I would give you a bad impression.
And then, on the last day of us being partners, you agreed with the glasses girl that I am a good dancer. You even told me, "Onga, ang galing mong sumayaw", and listened to the other girl who asked me if I have a history in ballroom dancing. I bashfully said no, and told you guys that it was my hiphop background that trained my moves. You smiled. I smiled. Sparks flew (?).
But I have to end this.
I have to stop this. I have to stop seeking you. I have to stop planning on how I can make you look at me. I have to stop being tempted to seduce you. It's not right.
You attract me. So much.
I have to stop seeking you...
...can't.
Shall we dance again?
You don't notice, but my eyes always seek your face whenever we have our dance classes. I would caress my "good luck" bracelet and wish that somehow, we will interact for the day. So far, I never got my wish. You are always late, and I the early bird. I, who look forward to every session, has been partnered to the others just because you always come late. But it's okay. Really. Just watching you dance makes me feel those tiny shivers that I hate to love to feel. I'm fine with observing. With watching. With glancing.
When did this unhealthy seeking start?
Blame the first practical test. You were so good at leading the girl you were partnered with for Swing that I suddenly wished for you to be my partner for the next dance. The fates must be listening to me then because, indeed, you became my Cha-cha practice dance partner. You don't know how elated I was. Or still am. The dance...oh the dance. Your steps were so aggressive yet soft, passionate but gentle, confident but unassuming. I would bow my head down, fearing that I will never be up to your par. I was afraid that I would give you a bad impression.
And then, on the last day of us being partners, you agreed with the glasses girl that I am a good dancer. You even told me, "Onga, ang galing mong sumayaw", and listened to the other girl who asked me if I have a history in ballroom dancing. I bashfully said no, and told you guys that it was my hiphop background that trained my moves. You smiled. I smiled. Sparks flew (?).
But I have to end this.
I have to stop this. I have to stop seeking you. I have to stop planning on how I can make you look at me. I have to stop being tempted to seduce you. It's not right.
You attract me. So much.
I have to stop seeking you...
...can't.
Shall we dance again?
Monday, September 19, 2011
Unedited: Panauhan
It's amazing how one moment can have several points of view.
However, at that particular moment, they were just mine and yours.
It was at the party of SOM, the music blared loudly, the drinks free flowed, and everybody just kept talking and dancing. The lights twinkled against the dark room as eveything turned surreal. The faces around me were covered up by either the mask of mascara and lipstick or the veil of unreasonable laughter and smiles. I, along with my other two friends, walked around and looked for familiar individuals. But then again, everybody around us was hid under their impenetrable masks. And so, we opted to just go to the photobooth, took pictures, got ice cream, and stayed in front of the glass stage/runway. At last, after a glimpse of eternity, three hosts started talking and welcoming everyone. That night, the candidates of Mr. and Ms. SOM went through the question and answer portion. A part of the crowd cheered when their bet was called. I screamed when Ate Isay and Kuya Al went out, and shouted along with my friends until they left the stage. I sighed. Suddenly, my phone rang. Oops, my parents were on their way. I inched closer to the door, but more people were coming in. So, I waited till only few would pass.
And then, as my eyes surveyed the crowd, I saw you. You stood out. Among the masquerades, you were the only one who wore none. You were raw, with some kind of unique charm you alone exude.
Quite surprisingly, you looked at me too. You caught me staring, but I did not avert my eyes. I wanted to get lost in yours. Yet, you looked away, and began talking to your friends.
That's when I knew. That's when I realized that you were just looking in my direction, looking at the photobooth right behind me. I let out a frustrated chuckle. I shook my head, said goodbye to my two very loyal friends, and went out.
You see, you'll never know how special that moment was for me. For you, it was just a prolonged glance at the people making poses in front of the camera. But for me, it was an illusion- an absurd fantasy that finally, after three months, you noticed me too.
However, at that particular moment, they were just mine and yours.
It was at the party of SOM, the music blared loudly, the drinks free flowed, and everybody just kept talking and dancing. The lights twinkled against the dark room as eveything turned surreal. The faces around me were covered up by either the mask of mascara and lipstick or the veil of unreasonable laughter and smiles. I, along with my other two friends, walked around and looked for familiar individuals. But then again, everybody around us was hid under their impenetrable masks. And so, we opted to just go to the photobooth, took pictures, got ice cream, and stayed in front of the glass stage/runway. At last, after a glimpse of eternity, three hosts started talking and welcoming everyone. That night, the candidates of Mr. and Ms. SOM went through the question and answer portion. A part of the crowd cheered when their bet was called. I screamed when Ate Isay and Kuya Al went out, and shouted along with my friends until they left the stage. I sighed. Suddenly, my phone rang. Oops, my parents were on their way. I inched closer to the door, but more people were coming in. So, I waited till only few would pass.
And then, as my eyes surveyed the crowd, I saw you. You stood out. Among the masquerades, you were the only one who wore none. You were raw, with some kind of unique charm you alone exude.
Quite surprisingly, you looked at me too. You caught me staring, but I did not avert my eyes. I wanted to get lost in yours. Yet, you looked away, and began talking to your friends.
That's when I knew. That's when I realized that you were just looking in my direction, looking at the photobooth right behind me. I let out a frustrated chuckle. I shook my head, said goodbye to my two very loyal friends, and went out.
You see, you'll never know how special that moment was for me. For you, it was just a prolonged glance at the people making poses in front of the camera. But for me, it was an illusion- an absurd fantasy that finally, after three months, you noticed me too.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Letter no. 3
Dear ______________,
No matter how life tries to make you sad, remember that there are many reasons to be happy, to be joyous about. Though your heart is currently breaking right now, someday you'll find someone who will make you whole again. You'll find someone who will fix you. Wait. Let me rephrase that. Someone will come, unexpectedly, to fill that hole in your heart. Someone will push your insecurities away with just one little compliment. Someone will embrace you, with fears and all. Someone will love you, for who you are, no matter how broken you are.
Don't fret. I know you are feeling lonely and absurdly sad these days. When you feel like crying, remember that you have friends who are willing to lend you their shoulders. When you feel like lashing out, remember that there are people who are willing to scream with you. When you feel like giving up, remember that your loved ones never give up on you. And so dear, you must fight. You must continue to laugh and cheer. You must always see the brighter side of things. You must always see the rainbow in every storm.
Continue being patient. You don't have to be in a relationship to be happy, dear. :) Do not force yourself to like someone, 'cause in the end, you'll hurt yourself more. However, stop pretending. Stop living in your illusions. Start dreaming and waking up each day with the face of reality smiling upon you. After all, the most bitter moments of our lives make our journey sweeter and much more rewarding. Accept, cry, and smile.
Light up the world more with your chuckles and smiles. Believe me, if you just look carefully, you'll see gazillion reasons why you should get better than this, why you should move on. I know it hurts, but you have to step forward, right? :)
Yours forever,
_____________
No matter how life tries to make you sad, remember that there are many reasons to be happy, to be joyous about. Though your heart is currently breaking right now, someday you'll find someone who will make you whole again. You'll find someone who will fix you. Wait. Let me rephrase that. Someone will come, unexpectedly, to fill that hole in your heart. Someone will push your insecurities away with just one little compliment. Someone will embrace you, with fears and all. Someone will love you, for who you are, no matter how broken you are.
Don't fret. I know you are feeling lonely and absurdly sad these days. When you feel like crying, remember that you have friends who are willing to lend you their shoulders. When you feel like lashing out, remember that there are people who are willing to scream with you. When you feel like giving up, remember that your loved ones never give up on you. And so dear, you must fight. You must continue to laugh and cheer. You must always see the brighter side of things. You must always see the rainbow in every storm.
Continue being patient. You don't have to be in a relationship to be happy, dear. :) Do not force yourself to like someone, 'cause in the end, you'll hurt yourself more. However, stop pretending. Stop living in your illusions. Start dreaming and waking up each day with the face of reality smiling upon you. After all, the most bitter moments of our lives make our journey sweeter and much more rewarding. Accept, cry, and smile.
Light up the world more with your chuckles and smiles. Believe me, if you just look carefully, you'll see gazillion reasons why you should get better than this, why you should move on. I know it hurts, but you have to step forward, right? :)
Yours forever,
_____________
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
The orange skies of July 22, 2011.
You were there.
Staring at the blurry flush of the cars, you bang your head rhythmically with music flowing out of your ipod. You look to your left side, scratch your head and unzip the outside pocket of your black Jansport backpack. You get your phone, zip it again and text. Then, you gaze at the distance, this time, at the trees, and hang your head a little to the side, expressing your tire. Your right thumb circles the surface of your phone. Suddenly, you jerk and clumsily reach for your player inside your left pocket. You operate your little entertainment and after a few seconds, the tension from your muscles are release. You put the ipod again inside your pocket and sigh a relief. You notice the orange atmosphere and your eyes wonder to your N5330. Still, no text. The cool rush of the wind relaxes you, and you close your eyes to feel its gentle carresses. Sitting for almost an hour bores you, but when nature makes sure you are comfortable, it becomes alright. Someone calls your name. You blink and your brown orbs search for the caller. Oh, it is Johnny, your blockmate. You smile and wave at him. He grins and walks straight to the silver car on the parking lot right beside your bench. You see him approach his chaffeur and get in the Mercedes. You look away. You grimace a bit, and decide to check the time. Your watch says it is 6:15. Ten minutes and it is an hour since your dismissal. You shake your head and look at your cellphone again. A small light blinks. You smile. There is a text from your elder sister saying that she is near. Your smile widens and you text her back, replying that you are in the same place as always. You put your phone back inside the outside pocket, sigh again, stretch your arms. You sway with your music, entering a world unknown to many. You fiddle with your keychains and smirk. Ateneo de Manila University. Your dream umiversity. Now you are here, a student of Management Engineering. A red CRV honks and you sling your backpack on your right shoulder. The window rolls down, revealing the very pretty face of your sister. I'm sorry, bunso, she says. You just nod and smile at her. It's alright, you respond. You get in the passenger seat, the windows roll up and the car drives away.
All the while, in your solitary loneliness, there was a girl, hoping you can see her sitting on her bench beside yours.
Fin.
Staring at the blurry flush of the cars, you bang your head rhythmically with music flowing out of your ipod. You look to your left side, scratch your head and unzip the outside pocket of your black Jansport backpack. You get your phone, zip it again and text. Then, you gaze at the distance, this time, at the trees, and hang your head a little to the side, expressing your tire. Your right thumb circles the surface of your phone. Suddenly, you jerk and clumsily reach for your player inside your left pocket. You operate your little entertainment and after a few seconds, the tension from your muscles are release. You put the ipod again inside your pocket and sigh a relief. You notice the orange atmosphere and your eyes wonder to your N5330. Still, no text. The cool rush of the wind relaxes you, and you close your eyes to feel its gentle carresses. Sitting for almost an hour bores you, but when nature makes sure you are comfortable, it becomes alright. Someone calls your name. You blink and your brown orbs search for the caller. Oh, it is Johnny, your blockmate. You smile and wave at him. He grins and walks straight to the silver car on the parking lot right beside your bench. You see him approach his chaffeur and get in the Mercedes. You look away. You grimace a bit, and decide to check the time. Your watch says it is 6:15. Ten minutes and it is an hour since your dismissal. You shake your head and look at your cellphone again. A small light blinks. You smile. There is a text from your elder sister saying that she is near. Your smile widens and you text her back, replying that you are in the same place as always. You put your phone back inside the outside pocket, sigh again, stretch your arms. You sway with your music, entering a world unknown to many. You fiddle with your keychains and smirk. Ateneo de Manila University. Your dream umiversity. Now you are here, a student of Management Engineering. A red CRV honks and you sling your backpack on your right shoulder. The window rolls down, revealing the very pretty face of your sister. I'm sorry, bunso, she says. You just nod and smile at her. It's alright, you respond. You get in the passenger seat, the windows roll up and the car drives away.
All the while, in your solitary loneliness, there was a girl, hoping you can see her sitting on her bench beside yours.
Fin.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Hey
Hello. I miss you. I miss the way you send chills and shivers through
my spine. I find myself looking for that tiny pink spots on my cheeks
whenever you pass by. How my heart starts to beat so fast that I can't
breathe. How my mind starts to panic when you come towards me, and
then goes blank from the moment you spoke your first words. How I can
content myself into thinking about one person throughout the day. How
I smile foolishly whenever I catch you staring at me. Really, you got
me reeling. You get me into a roller coaster ride whenever we have a
conversation.
That was then. Now's a bit different.
Today, when you walked by after Biology class, my eyes started to
follow you with disdain. I found myself biting my lips to keep me from
shouting profanities. I had to clutch on my locker's door to restrain
myself from slapping you. I had to convince myself to turn to the
other direction to keep me from asking you my stupid questions. I had
to grab my chest to keep me from sobbing in the hallway. I had to
smile to everyone who asks me if I am okay. I had to pretend. I hated
it.
Yeah, I sound like a bitter b*tch. Maybe I am. I am. Why?
I'm still in love with you. Gaddammit, I still am.
At night, I still imagine the warmth of your arms around me. I still
smell your husky scent on my sheets. I still recall the way your eyes
glimmer whenever I tell you that I love you. I still remember the
times we had those silly picnic dates you insisted upon. Remember the
third time we went to central park? We had to care this cute little
boy for a day because his parents have gone away somewhere. We acted
like we were a real family. The night that followed, I began to think
about our future. You, me, a nice house and naughty little twins. It
was so perfect, so right. But someone had to ruin it. Someone ruined us.
How you ever managed to have a one-night stand with Michelle McAdams
while I was planning our beach trip is still a mystery to me. Am I not
enough? You told me you would wait, turns out your little buddy wanted
a hug from someone else. What happened to our promise? Whatever
happened to our perfect future? You disgust me so much. I thought you
were different. Now please don't make up excuses. Just take a bow.
I hate you because of so many things. For making me hope. For making
me happy with just one smile. For making me silly and bubbly. For
making me love you. I hate you because you made me feel that I wasn't good enough for you.
Hope you and her won't have the same ending we had.
- T.
my spine. I find myself looking for that tiny pink spots on my cheeks
whenever you pass by. How my heart starts to beat so fast that I can't
breathe. How my mind starts to panic when you come towards me, and
then goes blank from the moment you spoke your first words. How I can
content myself into thinking about one person throughout the day. How
I smile foolishly whenever I catch you staring at me. Really, you got
me reeling. You get me into a roller coaster ride whenever we have a
conversation.
That was then. Now's a bit different.
Today, when you walked by after Biology class, my eyes started to
follow you with disdain. I found myself biting my lips to keep me from
shouting profanities. I had to clutch on my locker's door to restrain
myself from slapping you. I had to convince myself to turn to the
other direction to keep me from asking you my stupid questions. I had
to grab my chest to keep me from sobbing in the hallway. I had to
smile to everyone who asks me if I am okay. I had to pretend. I hated
it.
Yeah, I sound like a bitter b*tch. Maybe I am. I am. Why?
I'm still in love with you. Gaddammit, I still am.
At night, I still imagine the warmth of your arms around me. I still
smell your husky scent on my sheets. I still recall the way your eyes
glimmer whenever I tell you that I love you. I still remember the
times we had those silly picnic dates you insisted upon. Remember the
third time we went to central park? We had to care this cute little
boy for a day because his parents have gone away somewhere. We acted
like we were a real family. The night that followed, I began to think
about our future. You, me, a nice house and naughty little twins. It
was so perfect, so right. But someone had to ruin it. Someone ruined us.
How you ever managed to have a one-night stand with Michelle McAdams
while I was planning our beach trip is still a mystery to me. Am I not
enough? You told me you would wait, turns out your little buddy wanted
a hug from someone else. What happened to our promise? Whatever
happened to our perfect future? You disgust me so much. I thought you
were different. Now please don't make up excuses. Just take a bow.
I hate you because of so many things. For making me hope. For making
me happy with just one smile. For making me silly and bubbly. For
making me love you. I hate you because you made me feel that I wasn't good enough for you.
Hope you and her won't have the same ending we had.
- T.
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