...and love victimizes another friend.

Written for a friend who is currently suffering a major ache in her heart. No edits whatsoever.

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To you,

First of all, make sure this letter has your undivided attention. Stop drinking your cocoa, tell John Mayer to stop mourning, and press 'pause' on your "He's Just Not That Into You" download. I will only take five to ten minutes of your time, so you better read and understand what I wrote. After all, it was you who asked me how you can recover from a love "that drained the life and blood out of you". Okay? Okay.

I am not the most impressive writer about love. In fact, I feel like I have no right to pen this down for I only have a failed courtship and an unrequited love under my resume. But still, these thoughts won't let me rest until I let you see this, and somehow to let this letter shake you up (even a little) from the terrible condition you are in now. I may not be a certified expert on this subject, yet I also felt pain because of that "stupid, useless" emotion. I am not trying to compare what I experienced to what you are experiencing right now, and don't you dare think that I am trying to sympathize with you. I am only saying that all the damn people in this world get hurt because of love, and you are no exception to this truth.

Maybe your view on love in this exact moment is a leech. It cuts you subtlety, latches upon the wound, and sucks the liquid that gives you life. All the while, you think it's nothing but a clingy insect. Hmm, I know it's a bad comparison, but that's how you feel, right? You let him in your life, care for him so much it hurts at times, and suddenly, in just a blink of an eye, he vanishes and takes away parts of you that you give so freely. Parts of you that will forever be lost in that crazy myriad of confusion, despair, hope, and clarity during the times when you were still together.

I am telling you, you will never get them back. Those moments, those memories...all of them already happened. And when you continue to trap yourself in the past to undo every bad decision you made, you will fail to see how this will make you a stronger person. You did what you thought was right, and that's the end of it. Love is not about surviving the relationship. It is about growing in that relationship. If this break-up is the way in which you will learn how to start from scratch and pick up the pieces left, then so be it. Those parts you lost along the way? They will be replaced with new and better ones, I promise.

"And fuck, I tried to make it work." I don't know how you couples "make things work", but I know why some things in this world won't: 1.) wrong person 2.) wrong time or 3.) wrong place. If you continue your relationship with him, chances are you will kill each other. The pain will pound you in its sickly way more than ever that you will  forget on why you love that person in the first place. Remember what John Lloyd said in his epic movie? Siguro kaya tayo iniiwanan ng mga mahal natin dahil may darating pang ibang mas magmamahal sa'tin - 'yung hindi tayo sasaktan at paasahin...'yung magtatama ng lahat ng mali sa buhay natin.

I would lie if I told you that nothing is wrong with you, but let me remind you, something is wrong with him too. You weren't the only one in that relationship. He was there with you. So if you start the blame game and end up punishing yourself for everything, stop. No one is to blame. You had your faults and he had his. Stop quantifying how many wrongs you did. If you did not make those, then all of these will be for naught...and you would not learn. Admittedly though, he made a very glaring mistake.

He let go one of the most beautiful ladies I've ever known.

So cry and pig out all you want for this week, but never shed a tear again for him when Monday comes. My advice? Accept. That's the only cent I can give you 'cause on contrary to those break-up guides and books, you can only move on when you made peace with what happened. I don't know how long it's going to take for you (Don't spend your entire lifetime pining over him, okay?) but I can't wait to see that genuine smile on your face again. I don't know how my words will help you, but I hope in my heart that it will.

We love you, dear, in case you've forgotten that a lot of people still love you.

Still your sickly and bubbly friend,
C. ;)

The Love Triangle

Glide, I
glide along
the cerulean halls
faster and faster
I find myself
looking
staring
gaping at your
smile. You never
smiled like that with me

And the house
I'm standing at
The walls crack
the ground shakes and I
tumble, shamble into rubble
but yours did not.
My empty fireplace rained
and the wood consumes
the stones with so much fiery
and here I am

numb
as I am being burned alive
and you, with the eyes of
the ocean, sail away
with her, the child
of the sea foam
I do nothing.
Nothing, I am.
Who am I to question
your high throne?

I am but
an ash keeper
the girl forgotten
'til the ice of winter
freezes.