Word Vomit: Your Lips' Muscle Memory

I still couldn't understand how you can utter words when you do not mean them. Tell me how you can throw promises in the wind, let them fly and fall into the waters, and walk away like nothing happened. I've been spending minutes staring at the ceiling and I can't call it a day. I've been wondering how you can make commitment look like an empty box wrapped and sealed with silk ribbons.

Don't worry, I gave up every hope I hid inside the deepest corners. And while your name took a permanent residence in the past, I will no longer bring you into the village of future and give you the keys of the present.

I'm not angry at you nor do I resent you. I just feel curious.

What is your billion-dollar secret?

To the walking barrier

I met you when you were one of the crowd
which was ironic because I dislike places
filled with masks, layers, lies and stories
I feel suffocated with each inhalation and exhalation
of their ragged breathes and silent sighs
But when my eyes saw your tall tower
Wires ablazed with electricity and bricks rough to touch
Attraction sparked inside me, and suddenly
the humid air I hated to share became what I desire for
I wanted to be get closer, to feel the zap between my fingers
as it runs along the spine of my soul
Creating tingles that reaches my toes
But you turned the other way
and wore stacks of eternally frozen smiles painted on albaster masks
That you put out between the cracks and crevices of your wall
You disguised yourself in a split second
I thought I'll never see you again.

But after days of searching, I found you
sitting on the blue bus I ride to teach
chummy with my best friend whose transparency is so endearing
I wondered if this is what fate does-
Just when I thought it was over, it signals time to start
However the attraction I initially felt
transformed into something else
and at that moment I questioned Webster
why he has not invented a word for-
that inclination to know somebody
to stake whatever tokens one has and willingly lose
just to peel off a layer even when anticipating
another game harder to win
Wait, I did not want you. I did not, believe me.
It was not a crush nor a romantic wish.

The second you played with my hair after I sat down
on the seat in front you
I knew, I just knew
We are of the same kind
Different materials but similar constructions
protecting a vulnerable piece of us
that the world has left untouched
Because once we faced mornings with hearts on our sleeves
but people stripped us naked, breaking and shattering our innocence
taking our feelings and never giving them back
leaving us scraps of what we used to be
And so we built our walls of sarcasm and smiles
keeping stocks of automatic laughters and neutral expressions.
But once in a while, we find faces armed with pencils and scissors
standing outside, waiting for our challenges
knocking that small door of hope
Ready to write down memories and cut pieces of themselves for us to take

Dear walking barrier
I can never ran out of things to say
How we keep the others at arms length
But here I am, a fellow, asking you to let me in
I want to be your friend.
Not just because I sense our similarities
I want to be your friend
because I know you must be weary of keeping up the walls
I want to be your friend
because I want to understand our differences
I want to be your friend
because I want to start watching the sunrise again, with you by my side
I want to be your friend
and break a piece of me so I can give it to you
You must know, please just know
I am not expecting anything back.