I'm Yours.

Hello there.

I'm about to compose a letter to someone. Hahaha. :)

Dear ___________,

I know you're not okay; though you smile, though you laugh, though you seem pretty much alright. I see your eyes hide the sadness you kept for two weeks. I saw how you struggled to laugh with his best friend, how you enjoyed the temporary attention he gave you in every text message he sends you and how you swallowed every disappointment each night. But dear, you don't have to hold everything in. You gotta let it all out. I'm here. I know you are hurting. Didn't you think I noticed every hesitation you made whenever someone will talk about him? Didn't you think I observed that in every conversation you have with your other friends, something will always make you remind of him? My dearest friend, I'm here. You can shout it all. Say, you're jealous of his love, then say it! SAY IT ALL! You don't have to pretend anymore. I'm your safe haven. You can unload all that crap upon my shoulders. You can cry all the tears that you want to cry. Why? 'Cause I care. I care. You can shed all that armor. You can show me your vulnerable side. I won't judge you. I know more than to judge you. I know you fought that feelings, you sided with your logical side and you tried not to fall for him.

Right now, the hurt is piercing you. You realized what was to be realized. You said that you ready to accept the fact that from the start, his affections were never yours. Then, you asked me, 'But how can you move on, when the people close to you constantly reminding you of your unfortunate demise? How can you forget someone you hold feelings for such a long time? How can you possibly stay away from him when only him can make you happy with just one 'hello?' Dear, I have a admission to make. I don't know too. I don't know how to. Every logical side of me says to act like he never existed. But I know dear, you can't handle that pain again. You experienced too much. YET, you have to do it. YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON. GO FORWARD. LET GO OF THE PAST. Cherish the future.

Somewhere, he is there. The right one. Your other half. You just have to wait. You have to get rid of all that burden, so when the time comes, you'll be ready again. Don't regret that you once had a feeling for him. There must be a reason why it happened that way.

Your friend,

____________

The Homogenous Mixture of Romance, If Only and Vanessa Carlton's Ordinary Day.

Hello everyone! I'm Chel, 15, from the alien planet of Krakatoa

How do you say "Welcome to my Blog" when in the first place, you made this blog just so you can express your thoughts as privately and as freely as possible without any one of the people you know read it? I know, I know. I'm a fool. I mean, why will you write your thoughts on a site which can be potentially viewed by those same people? Want to know why?

Because I'd like to them to read this blog SOMEDAY ,not now.

I fully understand why you are picturing me as a psychomaniac girl who has got nothing to do but bore people by engaging them to understand her through her -tadaaaa!- blog. Believe me, I'm not far from your imagination. Just erase the thought of me, trying to let you understand me. Why? It is because I didn't create this blog to let people study the art of 'me, myself and I, Chel edition'. What I really wanted (I know, I'm confusing you. I can totally relate, because I'm confusing myself too.) is just to MAKE SOME SENSE in my head. I want to 'channel my inner energy' (Eww, I talk like a beard-o yoda-like yoga instructor) and be myself, be my REAL self, even for just a moment. I want to let go of all the little pretensions I put up. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, don't worry. I'm not suicidal. I'm just a little emo-ish, but not to the point that I don't recognize other colors other than black. In fact, my favorite color is brown (Wow, what am I trying to prove?). Ha-ha-ha. I have a happy, little family of four, I have adorable cousins and relatives and I have the craziest and the most idiosyncratic (Woah, deep word!) friends. So what's my problem?

I can't express my emotions.

Anyhows, I'm not gonna mope around here. Sorry for the sucky introduction. I know I suck, but I rule. There's nothing that you can do about it. So, deal with it.

-- gossip girl Choo-choopups girl Chel

P.S. Oh, before I forget, Colbie Caillat and Vanessa Carlton top my playlist and I like some hot fudge sundae for dinner. Please tell this (the hot fudge) to my mom, if ever you have a contact with her. Thaaaaaanks.