3. The corporate world is not for me.
I've been having a college crisis because of a shift that took place inside of me. I no longer dream about working and creating marketing strategies and advertisements for the biggest companies in the world. I do not want to be stuck inside the office and meetings because I realized I won't find meaning in that. I want to do things that count-- well, at least what counts for me. I want to change the world in my own little way, and I know that an advertising career won't be my weapon.
As I reflect and ponder about what my life has been telling me, I found myself unearthing a deep yearning I hid inside the recess of my heart: I want to teach. There is no greater honor than forming people who will be smarter, greater and better than I will ever be. I want to be one of their stepping stones to whatever one defines as success. I want to support the dreams of kids whether it is to become next superstar or the world' most beloved McDo deliveryman. For once, I want to repay my past teachers who helped form me into the person I am now by helping a kid or two overcome his/her/their battles.
I want to nurture a kids' dreams because, as what one wise woman said, "...without dreams, they are not human beings."
2. Time to get out of the tower.
I called myself "Rapunchel" because I used to compare my main internal conflict to that of the real heroine's situation. I locked myself inside a high tower built on pain, rejection and the past. I did not let anyone take care of me, or know me enough. I let fears block my way to growth.
Funny how He sends people who has the capacity to make me realize that I have to get out of my dark place. My family and friends have been waiting on the ground to catch me and there I was, doubting and hurting. When ASLA came into my life, it's as if He directly told me that,
"Enough. You've been there for eight years. You said you want and dream to be a leader that fosters the dreams of others. How can you show that you really want that dream to come true when you are not outside of the tower? Get down. The world will hurt you but there will be people who will hurt with you. These people, like you, are in pain because they've loved and sacrificed. Get down, and you will meet them. Get down, and crumble that tower of yours."
I am currently climbing down. As soon as my feet touch the ground, I will press the button and explode the tower into smithereens. No more darkness for this lady!!!
1. Brokenness is truly a gift
It is. Believe me. When I accepted the fact that I am broken, I am able to open up and give the pieces of myself to others. It sounds ironic but I feel like I'm starting to get whole again when I give.
Final words: It's okay to be disturbed.
I won't come to my senses and embrace my passion if I weren't disturbed by my surroundings. I mean, does reality need to be a continuing nightmare for others when it can be better and brighter than dreams? I sound idealistic and I am, but why do I have to follow the status quo when I can do my part to change it?
I hope this zeal and zest will stay for all my life. I am still disturbed, more than ever.
I am Chel and I rally for quality education and equal job opportunities for the urban poor.
