Summer Romance

Human - Christina Perri
Dance with Me Tonight - Olly Murs
Dancing in the Moonlight - Toploader
Ready to Love Again - Lady Antebellum
Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran
All About You - Mcfly
Baby, I'm Yours - Arctic Monkeys
First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes
One and Only - Teitur
Only You - Joshua Radin
Turning Page - Sleeping At Last

I guess this is the result of an unexpected inspiration from a post written two years ago. Hope you'll love bravely not just this summer but all the time, folks. :)

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Summer 2013 Mix: Ready for Summer
Summer 2012 Mix: Summer Heat

Word Vomit: Butterfly

After college graduation, I want to travel. I don't care if my destination is just a local place. I just want a change of scenery, experience independence and freedom from responsibilities, and be reckless. 

Don't be mistaken. I still want to be a professor/teacher. I still want to fulfill most of my life plans. But I need to feed this wanderlust growing inside my gut. I need to escape and find myself. Because while I feel happy now, uncertainty and fear lurks around the corner. I am still unsure of so many things. I want to break free even just for a short time. I'm searching for something I don't know, and it's hard to stay when I long to be elsewhere. 

All I know is that after this escapade, I will go back stronger. 

I miss theater.

One of the things that keeps burning for life. :) Click the link below. Hee.

Thespian

"As someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly." Theater made me fly higher than what I thought I was capable. The passion lives on, forever and always. 

Checkpoint

"These lines kept on echoing in my head. It was probably because of the sweet aroma of the chocolate frappe and the cool breezy afternoon of Paris. I tried to stay focused on my news report about the new feature of Musee de Louvre, but the feeling of nostalgia hindered my mind from thinking about other things. I sighed and continued to look for inspiration in the beautiful landscape of France. I pushed my glasses up and typed senselessly. Somehow, the thought of returning to New York made me wake up." (Caritativo, 2011)

This is the first paragraph of the class prophecy I wrote back when I was a high school senior. Reading this again after three years broke my heart. I used to be so sure of what I wanted in life. I used to have such a clear vision and timeline for the things that what I wanted to achieve. I'm not sure when uncertainty replaced the confidence that I had within myself. 

I went from wondering if I'm fit to be a nurse, destined to be a holy nun, meant to be a barrio doctor, fated to be an advertising/newspaper writer, to finally owning that deepest desire to teach. 

I'm crying because things have changed greatly. I remembered a conversation I had with a friend a few days ago about life plans. I surprised myself when I told her with all conviction that I entered Ateneo with a goal of getting a job abroad after finishing but now, I will graduate with my decision to stay here and serve the country. Thinking about what I said scares me to levels I never thought I'll reach. It scares me because I can no longer identify with the ambitions of my old self. There is so much anxiety in me because I'm not sure if I am really growing as a better person - if I am doing a swell job in being a person. 

I still love France, New York and writing. I like the idea of travelling the world doing a job that I'm sure I will not mind flourishing into a lifetime career. However, this wonderful fantasy...it's not for me anymore. It kills me to actually acknowledge it.

I'm holding with my two hands the new dream and goal in life. I fear and worry if this is the right path for me but, with determination and God's help, I will tackle this road with my whole being. 

Repetition

Life surprised me the day I met you.

I went to school grumpy that morning, as any Tuesday or Thursday mornings were, routinely complaining to the world why the hell did it create 7:30 classes and next, cursing myself to oblivion for not sleeping earlier. I entered the cafeteria with my one-track mind telling me to order the usual coffee I consume and to stay at one of the inconspicuous tables. Deeply sighing, I walked towards the refrigerator, got my drink of choice, paid the cashier, uttered "Good Morning!" to a passing colleague and quickly spotted a seat. As I daze through the whole process, I noticed for a second (or maybe 2?) that you ordered ham and cheese sandwich instead of your usual Champorado.

Wow, you broke your own rhythm, I wanted to tell you. Of the six days I saw you, this was the first time you had a different vibe; it seemed like the beats of your footsteps changed. You usually get in line next to me, that's why I observed that you have (well, had) a cycle too.

When I finally settled down at my place of the day, a strange urge made me look at the direction of the cashier. I pushed down the thoughts and the little gusto I felt, reminding myself that I am not a person who sneaks glances but makes contact.

Apparently, we're the same.

Exactly 2 minutes and 34 seconds after I convinced myself not to search for your familiar figure, I heard the quiet, clattering sound of the tray hitting my table. My head snapped at the direction of the noise, and there you are, smiling. You removed your earphones, and asked, "Mocha, again?"

Broken and Disturbed.

3. The corporate world is not for me. 

I've been having a college crisis because of a shift that took place inside of me. I no longer dream about working and creating marketing strategies and advertisements for the biggest companies in the world. I do not want to be stuck inside the office and meetings because I realized I won't find meaning in that. I want to do things that count-- well, at least what counts for me. I want to change the world in my own little way, and I know that an advertising career won't be my weapon.

As I reflect and ponder about what my life has been telling me, I found myself unearthing a deep yearning I hid inside the recess of my heart: I want to teach. There is no greater honor than forming people who will be smarter, greater and better than I will ever be. I want to be one of their stepping stones to whatever one defines as success. I want to support the dreams of kids whether it is to become next superstar or the world' most beloved McDo deliveryman. For once, I want to repay my past teachers who helped form me into the person I am now by helping a kid or two overcome his/her/their battles.

I want to nurture a kids' dreams because, as what one wise woman said, "...without dreams, they are not human beings."



2. Time to get out of the tower.

I called myself "Rapunchel" because I used to compare my main internal conflict to that of the real heroine's situation. I locked myself inside a high tower built on pain, rejection and the past. I did not let anyone take care of me, or know me enough. I let fears block my way to growth.

Funny how He sends people who has the capacity to make me realize that I have to get out of my dark place. My family and friends have been waiting on the ground to catch me and there I was, doubting and hurting. When ASLA came into my life, it's as if He directly told me that,

"Enough. You've been there for eight years. You said you want and dream to be a leader that fosters the dreams of others. How can you show that you really want that dream to come true when you are not outside of the tower? Get down. The world will hurt you but there will be people who will hurt with you. These people, like you, are in pain because they've loved and sacrificed. Get down, and you will meet them. Get down, and crumble that tower of yours."

I am currently climbing down. As soon as my feet touch the ground, I will press the button and explode the tower into smithereens. No more darkness for this lady!!!


1. Brokenness is truly a gift

It is. Believe me. When I accepted the fact that I am broken, I am able to open up and give the pieces of myself to others. It sounds ironic but I feel like I'm starting to get whole again when I give.


Final words: It's okay to be disturbed.

I won't come to my senses and embrace my passion if I weren't disturbed by my surroundings. I mean, does reality need to be a continuing nightmare for others when it can be better and brighter than dreams? I sound idealistic and I am, but why do I have to follow the status quo when I can do my part to change it?

I hope this zeal and zest will stay for all my life. I am still disturbed, more than ever.

I am Chel and I rally for quality education and equal job opportunities for the urban poor.

Pag-uulit

"Hindi naman nagbago ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya eh, nag-ibang anyo lang. Walang akong pinapangarap araw-araw kundi ang kaligayahan niya. Sa ganitong paraan ko siya minamahal."