To you,
I really can't wait to meet you and fall in love again. It's 3:30 AM and I really should be sleeping but damn, I'm wide awake because the thought of holding your hand with my cold, clammy ones excite me. (I am sorry, I have poor blood circulation.) I can't wait to laugh and cry with you.
I can't wait to be with you.
I'm beyond ecstatic. My stomach is full of butterflies because envisioning how we will be together fuels me to go beyond and take risks. Right now, as I type this on my keyboard, I realize that I would like trace your cheek bones, the corners of your eyes, the tip of your nose, and the plumpness of your lips against my fingers for a long, long time. I might even want to kiss you, and explore the wonders of your soul until the sun awakes from his sleep. (Actually, I might never want to stop. I am full of greed when it comes to grasping every part of you.) I will not get bored. Even a bookish person who spends her Friday nights with words desires to be with someone she recognizes - she likes, she loves. Trust me, you are the end all and be all of all the heroes and the princes that I've read.
We won't be perfect. You and I will make mistakes. We will ride through bumps and rough patches that will make us want to stop the car. But I believe in you, in us. We will respect our boundaries, and understand our limitations. We will be off to the horizon even when Disney songs end, together. (I cannot tell you how much I love the sound of 'we' and 'together'. We. Together. We are together.)
I am so excited to love you deeply. (I just really can't wait to see you.)
Showing posts with label letters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label letters. Show all posts
Friday, March 13, 2015
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Why I Am Fighting
Dear Mom and Dad,
Recently, I discovered that the things I am proudest are the ones I fought for. These are the ones that I ceaselessly needled you to give me, or creatively coerced you into giving me the permission to have them. For one, I am very grateful for Ateneo. I know you weren't keen on sending me to this university because you were insisting I go to the one located in Diliman. I am thankful for bending your will to mine because I am ecstatic to find myself standing on this hill - this place I now call home. I am so glad I fought for my dream school because I feel that I am inching towards self-discovery, my self-actualization. I found my vocation here, Mama and Papa.
This is actually why I am writing this down. I want to pursue further studies and teach. This is my passion; this is the one thing I will choose over and over again. I know I went through the stage of wanting different careers but I realized I was wrongly searching and aiming for temporary things. It took me a long way, unlike Ate, but this is what I want to do in life. After the whole doctor fiasco two years ago, I asked God to let His will be done. True enough, I did not get what I wanted that year: JTA. Instead, I found myself applying for a position in Musmos.
Let's get side-tracked a little bit. I will *finally* tell you why I fought for Musmos. Remember when Botchok and Liit spend their summer here three years ago? During their stay, I felt so disconnected and disaffected from them. It's as if they were not my blood relatives. I treated them less than they deserved. And so, when I encountered the so-called "org tradition" in Ateneo, I promised myself and God that I will join a kid-oriented organization. I really wanted to understand my cousins more and relate to them rightly the next time I have a chance. My love-affair with Musmos then began.
Anyway, back to the program. After accepting that I won't be spending my junior year in Singapore or Macau, I asked Him to show me the reasons why I stayed here. As such, a series of events happened:
1. My western history teacher told me that I should get a minor in history. I laughed.
2. My creative writing minor application was halted, first day of junior year. I cried.
3. Danielle told me I have a knack for teaching, and that kids are strangely drawn to me. ACIL then nicknamed me, "child whisperer"
4. Musmos people seconded number 3.
5. ASLA came and strengthened my burgeoning passion for fighting poverty through values formation and network-enabling.
6. Musmos Week, the week-long event I headed, got featured on Ateneo website.
7. I was elected as the Kids' Formation Head (a.k.a. Lesson Plan Maker) this year.
8. ACIL awarded me "Best Catechist" for my area.
I can enumerate other events and memories here but this letter will be too long. I still have a lot to say, haha. With everything that had transpired, how could I ignore the grace, passion and calling He has given me? It's as if everything I went through, down to the bullying I experienced, led me here. Mama and Papa, I can't express how lucky I feel to have discovered this road less-travelled because I know a lot of people who are lost, trying to find their way through the broken bridges and cracked pavements.
I know I sound idealistic and naive. Maybe I am, but I will never let this go. You wanted me to read the late Sec. Robredo's letter to Ate Aika just to let me think this through. And let me tell you, every night I am discerning if I am making sound decisions. I sleep with my logic and emotions saying a resounding yes. Don't worry, I am still figuring things out. I may know what I want my life to turn out but hehe, there are still so many things to learn and realize.
This is why, I am begging you with all my heart, support me. Let me go. Let me love and let me get hurt. Let me make mistakes, and let me learn from them. I can picture the repercussions of my actions, and I am more than willing to face them. My life is not for just me anymore. My life is for and with others. In teaching and helping the youth learn, I find myself complete (well, wala pa kong love life but that is another story). Nararamdaman ko sa pagtuturo na ako ay hindi lamang tao - ako ay mas nagiging tao dahil ako ay nagpapakatao.
This is a lot to think about. I'll stop here. If you have any more questions, nasa kwarto lang ako most likely nag-aaral. Haha. I'll understand if you want time and space to adjust.
I love you, Mama and Papa. Thank you for everything. Please take a risk in me.
All my love,
Chelsea
Recently, I discovered that the things I am proudest are the ones I fought for. These are the ones that I ceaselessly needled you to give me, or creatively coerced you into giving me the permission to have them. For one, I am very grateful for Ateneo. I know you weren't keen on sending me to this university because you were insisting I go to the one located in Diliman. I am thankful for bending your will to mine because I am ecstatic to find myself standing on this hill - this place I now call home. I am so glad I fought for my dream school because I feel that I am inching towards self-discovery, my self-actualization. I found my vocation here, Mama and Papa.
This is actually why I am writing this down. I want to pursue further studies and teach. This is my passion; this is the one thing I will choose over and over again. I know I went through the stage of wanting different careers but I realized I was wrongly searching and aiming for temporary things. It took me a long way, unlike Ate, but this is what I want to do in life. After the whole doctor fiasco two years ago, I asked God to let His will be done. True enough, I did not get what I wanted that year: JTA. Instead, I found myself applying for a position in Musmos.
Let's get side-tracked a little bit. I will *finally* tell you why I fought for Musmos. Remember when Botchok and Liit spend their summer here three years ago? During their stay, I felt so disconnected and disaffected from them. It's as if they were not my blood relatives. I treated them less than they deserved. And so, when I encountered the so-called "org tradition" in Ateneo, I promised myself and God that I will join a kid-oriented organization. I really wanted to understand my cousins more and relate to them rightly the next time I have a chance. My love-affair with Musmos then began.
Anyway, back to the program. After accepting that I won't be spending my junior year in Singapore or Macau, I asked Him to show me the reasons why I stayed here. As such, a series of events happened:
1. My western history teacher told me that I should get a minor in history. I laughed.
2. My creative writing minor application was halted, first day of junior year. I cried.
3. Danielle told me I have a knack for teaching, and that kids are strangely drawn to me. ACIL then nicknamed me, "child whisperer"
4. Musmos people seconded number 3.
5. ASLA came and strengthened my burgeoning passion for fighting poverty through values formation and network-enabling.
6. Musmos Week, the week-long event I headed, got featured on Ateneo website.
7. I was elected as the Kids' Formation Head (a.k.a. Lesson Plan Maker) this year.
8. ACIL awarded me "Best Catechist" for my area.
I can enumerate other events and memories here but this letter will be too long. I still have a lot to say, haha. With everything that had transpired, how could I ignore the grace, passion and calling He has given me? It's as if everything I went through, down to the bullying I experienced, led me here. Mama and Papa, I can't express how lucky I feel to have discovered this road less-travelled because I know a lot of people who are lost, trying to find their way through the broken bridges and cracked pavements.
I know I sound idealistic and naive. Maybe I am, but I will never let this go. You wanted me to read the late Sec. Robredo's letter to Ate Aika just to let me think this through. And let me tell you, every night I am discerning if I am making sound decisions. I sleep with my logic and emotions saying a resounding yes. Don't worry, I am still figuring things out. I may know what I want my life to turn out but hehe, there are still so many things to learn and realize.
This is why, I am begging you with all my heart, support me. Let me go. Let me love and let me get hurt. Let me make mistakes, and let me learn from them. I can picture the repercussions of my actions, and I am more than willing to face them. My life is not for just me anymore. My life is for and with others. In teaching and helping the youth learn, I find myself complete (well, wala pa kong love life but that is another story). Nararamdaman ko sa pagtuturo na ako ay hindi lamang tao - ako ay mas nagiging tao dahil ako ay nagpapakatao.
This is a lot to think about. I'll stop here. If you have any more questions, nasa kwarto lang ako most likely nag-aaral. Haha. I'll understand if you want time and space to adjust.
I love you, Mama and Papa. Thank you for everything. Please take a risk in me.
All my love,
Chelsea
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
...and love victimizes another friend.
Written for a friend who is currently suffering a major ache in her heart. No edits whatsoever.
---
To you,
First of all, make sure this letter has your undivided attention. Stop drinking your cocoa, tell John Mayer to stop mourning, and press 'pause' on your "He's Just Not That Into You" download. I will only take five to ten minutes of your time, so you better read and understand what I wrote. After all, it was you who asked me how you can recover from a love "that drained the life and blood out of you". Okay? Okay.
I am not the most impressive writer about love. In fact, I feel like I have no right to pen this down for I only have a failed courtship and an unrequited love under my resume. But still, these thoughts won't let me rest until I let you see this, and somehow to let this letter shake you up (even a little) from the terrible condition you are in now. I may not be a certified expert on this subject, yet I also felt pain because of that "stupid, useless" emotion. I am not trying to compare what I experienced to what you are experiencing right now, and don't you dare think that I am trying to sympathize with you. I am only saying that all the damn people in this world get hurt because of love, and you are no exception to this truth.
Maybe your view on love in this exact moment is a leech. It cuts you subtlety, latches upon the wound, and sucks the liquid that gives you life. All the while, you think it's nothing but a clingy insect. Hmm, I know it's a bad comparison, but that's how you feel, right? You let him in your life, care for him so much it hurts at times, and suddenly, in just a blink of an eye, he vanishes and takes away parts of you that you give so freely. Parts of you that will forever be lost in that crazy myriad of confusion, despair, hope, and clarity during the times when you were still together.
I am telling you, you will never get them back. Those moments, those memories...all of them already happened. And when you continue to trap yourself in the past to undo every bad decision you made, you will fail to see how this will make you a stronger person. You did what you thought was right, and that's the end of it. Love is not about surviving the relationship. It is about growing in that relationship. If this break-up is the way in which you will learn how to start from scratch and pick up the pieces left, then so be it. Those parts you lost along the way? They will be replaced with new and better ones, I promise.
"And fuck, I tried to make it work." I don't know how you couples "make things work", but I know why some things in this world won't: 1.) wrong person 2.) wrong time or 3.) wrong place. If you continue your relationship with him, chances are you will kill each other. The pain will pound you in its sickly way more than ever that you will forget on why you love that person in the first place. Remember what John Lloyd said in his epic movie? Siguro kaya tayo iniiwanan ng mga mahal natin dahil may darating pang ibang mas magmamahal sa'tin - 'yung hindi tayo sasaktan at paasahin...'yung magtatama ng lahat ng mali sa buhay natin.
I would lie if I told you that nothing is wrong with you, but let me remind you, something is wrong with him too. You weren't the only one in that relationship. He was there with you. So if you start the blame game and end up punishing yourself for everything, stop. No one is to blame. You had your faults and he had his. Stop quantifying how many wrongs you did. If you did not make those, then all of these will be for naught...and you would not learn. Admittedly though, he made a very glaring mistake.
He let go one of the most beautiful ladies I've ever known.
So cry and pig out all you want for this week, but never shed a tear again for him when Monday comes. My advice? Accept. That's the only cent I can give you 'cause on contrary to those break-up guides and books, you can only move on when you made peace with what happened. I don't know how long it's going to take for you (Don't spend your entire lifetime pining over him, okay?) but I can't wait to see that genuine smile on your face again. I don't know how my words will help you, but I hope in my heart that it will.
We love you, dear, in case you've forgotten that a lot of people still love you.
Still your sickly and bubbly friend,
C. ;)
---
To you,
First of all, make sure this letter has your undivided attention. Stop drinking your cocoa, tell John Mayer to stop mourning, and press 'pause' on your "He's Just Not That Into You" download. I will only take five to ten minutes of your time, so you better read and understand what I wrote. After all, it was you who asked me how you can recover from a love "that drained the life and blood out of you". Okay? Okay.
I am not the most impressive writer about love. In fact, I feel like I have no right to pen this down for I only have a failed courtship and an unrequited love under my resume. But still, these thoughts won't let me rest until I let you see this, and somehow to let this letter shake you up (even a little) from the terrible condition you are in now. I may not be a certified expert on this subject, yet I also felt pain because of that "stupid, useless" emotion. I am not trying to compare what I experienced to what you are experiencing right now, and don't you dare think that I am trying to sympathize with you. I am only saying that all the damn people in this world get hurt because of love, and you are no exception to this truth.
Maybe your view on love in this exact moment is a leech. It cuts you subtlety, latches upon the wound, and sucks the liquid that gives you life. All the while, you think it's nothing but a clingy insect. Hmm, I know it's a bad comparison, but that's how you feel, right? You let him in your life, care for him so much it hurts at times, and suddenly, in just a blink of an eye, he vanishes and takes away parts of you that you give so freely. Parts of you that will forever be lost in that crazy myriad of confusion, despair, hope, and clarity during the times when you were still together.
I am telling you, you will never get them back. Those moments, those memories...all of them already happened. And when you continue to trap yourself in the past to undo every bad decision you made, you will fail to see how this will make you a stronger person. You did what you thought was right, and that's the end of it. Love is not about surviving the relationship. It is about growing in that relationship. If this break-up is the way in which you will learn how to start from scratch and pick up the pieces left, then so be it. Those parts you lost along the way? They will be replaced with new and better ones, I promise.
"And fuck, I tried to make it work." I don't know how you couples "make things work", but I know why some things in this world won't: 1.) wrong person 2.) wrong time or 3.) wrong place. If you continue your relationship with him, chances are you will kill each other. The pain will pound you in its sickly way more than ever that you will forget on why you love that person in the first place. Remember what John Lloyd said in his epic movie? Siguro kaya tayo iniiwanan ng mga mahal natin dahil may darating pang ibang mas magmamahal sa'tin - 'yung hindi tayo sasaktan at paasahin...'yung magtatama ng lahat ng mali sa buhay natin.
I would lie if I told you that nothing is wrong with you, but let me remind you, something is wrong with him too. You weren't the only one in that relationship. He was there with you. So if you start the blame game and end up punishing yourself for everything, stop. No one is to blame. You had your faults and he had his. Stop quantifying how many wrongs you did. If you did not make those, then all of these will be for naught...and you would not learn. Admittedly though, he made a very glaring mistake.
He let go one of the most beautiful ladies I've ever known.
So cry and pig out all you want for this week, but never shed a tear again for him when Monday comes. My advice? Accept. That's the only cent I can give you 'cause on contrary to those break-up guides and books, you can only move on when you made peace with what happened. I don't know how long it's going to take for you (Don't spend your entire lifetime pining over him, okay?) but I can't wait to see that genuine smile on your face again. I don't know how my words will help you, but I hope in my heart that it will.
We love you, dear, in case you've forgotten that a lot of people still love you.
Still your sickly and bubbly friend,
C. ;)
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