Au revoir.

Clark Kent,

I don't think you know that I'm overworking to forget you and keep my mind off the things that are related to you. For the first weeks, I was successful. I thought of you less and focused more on my acads and orgs. But now that everything is happening simultaneously, I regret following my instincts. I'm self-destructing. I don't know if anybody cares enough to notice that I've been so tired physically, mentally and emotionally since last week. I tried so hard to laugh and smile off these feelings of weariness and discomfort but even the sound of my chuckles are so artificial to me.

Imagine my surprise when a very curious thought suddenly popped inside my head a while ago. For a few seconds, I felt a mixture of relief and sadness because finally, my soul is ready to let you go. To set you free from my claws. To say goodbye. I don't know if this is for good. Understand that I need to mend the pieces you broke unknowingly, and to rebuild the parts that I lost along the way. I need to lick my wounds alone.

Never think that I blame you because I don't. Everything that I am struggling and feeling is on my own doing. It's my decision to not tell you what I truly feel about you because I chose not to risk and wear my heart on my sleeve. I want to salvage our friendship but look at us now. We don't talk so much and I can't even look straight in your eyes. Our "bonding" times together (the little run-ins, hi and hellos and whatnot) were so rushed and hurried that I've come to see myself as a distraction. To be fair, I know that you think and feel that I only come to you when I feel troubled.  If this is really a friendship then you and I are not supposed to feel that way.

Let's face the truth. We've fallen apart. There's nothing holding you to me anymore. I'm not your best friend or your funniest or your smartest or anything. I can't do anything for you. You can't even share your problems with me and I found it awkward to be around you. But you know what's the saddest part of these shenanigans? You can forget about me and my existence. But not me. You are an iridescent person among a crowd of familiar faces. I think your memory will always stay with me like a footprint buried in the sand.

Simply put, I woke up this morning and realize that I am not Lois Lane-- that I am not the sassy journalist who is willingly to wait on top of the tower. I will stop wishing for you to sweep me off my feet because I finally realize that in your eyes, I will never be her. You're not my superhero, Clark.

They say that eighteen is too young to feel so strongly for a person. I disagree. I'd like to think that the intensity of what I'm feeling for you will be the same or more for the person I will like five, six, seven etc years from now. I could've fallen in love with you but I didn't let myself. I just hope that you won't be like me, scared and too much of a coward to let a person in my life.

Good bye, Superman and I hope not to see you around.